You know the feeling. You’ve had a long, stressful day, and you’re finally alone in the quiet of your kitchen. You’re not hungry—at least, not physically—but suddenly, you’re reaching for anything and everything in the cupboard. One biscuit turns into ten, a handful of crisps becomes an empty bag, and before you know it, you’re sitting in front of an empty plate, feeling stuffed, guilty, and utterly defeated.
You promise yourself it won’t happen again. You swear off the foods you binged on and vow to be “good” tomorrow. But then tomorrow comes, and it happens all over again. The cycle feels endless, and with every binge, the sense of control slips further and further away.
If this hits home, you’re not alone. Binge eating is one of the most common struggles people face, and it’s not just about food. It’s about emotions, stress, habit, and a cycle that feels impossible to break. And while it might seem like a lack of willpower, it’s so much more complex than that.
So, why do we binge? Why does it feel like we’re powerless in those moments? And most importantly, how can we find a way out that doesn’t involve dieting harder, punishing ourselves, or white-knuckling our way through cravings? Let’s dig in.
The Real Reasons We Binge (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Let’s get one thing straight: binge eating isn’t about greed, weakness, or a lack of discipline. It’s about unmet needs—emotional, physical, psychological. And in a world that constantly pushes quick fixes and restrictive diets, it’s no wonder so many of us end up turning to food for comfort.
There’s a whole lot of biology going on behind the scenes, too. When you restrict calories or deprive yourself of certain foods, your body goes into survival mode. Hormones like ghrelin (which makes you feel hungry) and leptin (which tells you you’re full) get all out of whack, making you more likely to overeat when you finally let your guard down.
Add to that the impact of stress. Cortisol, the stress hormone, doesn’t just make you crave comfort food—it makes you crave high-fat, high-sugar, high-everything food. It’s your body’s way of trying to comfort and protect you, even when it doesn’t feel that way.
Then there’s the emotional side. Binge eating often fills an emotional void—a way to cope with loneliness, anxiety, boredom, or any uncomfortable feeling you’d rather not face. Food becomes a friend, a distraction, a temporary fix. And while it might feel good in the moment, the aftermath can leave you feeling worse than before.
The Common Mistakes That Keep You Stuck in the Cycle
One of the biggest mistakes we make is thinking we can “out-discipline” a binge. The plan is usually something like this: cut out all trigger foods, start a new diet on Monday, and just try harder next time. But here’s the thing: restriction is a one-way ticket to binge city.
When you ban certain foods, you make them all the more appealing. Your brain doesn’t like being told it can’t have something—it rebels. So when you inevitably “slip up,” it feels like all bets are off. You eat as much as you can because, hey, you’ve already messed up, right?
Another mistake? Going it alone. There’s a lot of shame wrapped up in binge eating, and many people keep their struggles hidden. But staying silent only reinforces the cycle. You end up feeling isolated, thinking you’re the only one who can’t control their eating, when in reality, millions of people are fighting the same battle.
The Science: Understanding What’s Really Going On in Your Brain
Binge eating is a complex dance between your brain and body, and it’s driven by powerful biological mechanisms. Let’s break it down a bit without diving into too much jargon.
When you binge, your brain releases dopamine—a feel-good chemical that’s designed to reward you. This is the same chemical that lights up when you get a hug from a loved one or achieve a big goal. But when it comes from food, the rush is short-lived, and you’re left chasing that high again and again.
Then there’s the “restriction-binge” cycle. Research shows that food restriction increases the reward value of food, making it even harder to resist once you’ve started eating (Polivy & Herman, 2002). This is why diets that involve cutting out entire food groups or going too low on calories often backfire.
Another key player? The gut-brain connection. Your gut actually produces about 90% of the body’s serotonin, the feel-good neurotransmitter. So when you’re eating poorly, or bingeing, it’s not just your mood that suffers—it’s your gut health too, creating a vicious cycle where your brain and body are both crying out for balance (Mayer et al., 2015).
The Real Solution: A Compassionate, Step-by-Step Path to Break Free
If you’re nodding along to any of this, you’re in the right place. And I’m here to tell you that breaking the binge cycle doesn’t mean dieting harder, punishing yourself, or doing something extreme. It’s about finding balance, rebuilding trust with yourself, and taking small, manageable steps that honour where you’re at. Here’s how:
1. Ditch the Diet Mentality Once and for All
The first step to stopping binge eating is to get off the restrict-and-binge rollercoaster. This means letting go of the idea that certain foods are “bad” and need to be avoided at all costs. Instead, aim for a balanced approach where all foods fit.
This doesn’t mean giving up on nutrition or health goals—it means moving towards an intuitive eating mindset, where you listen to your body’s hunger and fullness cues instead of following rigid rules. It’s about making peace with food, rather than seeing it as the enemy.
2. Find New Coping Mechanisms for Stress and Emotions
Binge eating often serves a purpose—it soothes, distracts, or comforts. To break the cycle, it’s crucial to find other ways to meet those needs. This might involve trying stress-relief techniques like deep breathing, journaling, or engaging in a hobby that keeps your hands and mind busy.
You don’t have to go all-in on meditation retreats or hours of yoga. Start small: a 5-minute walk, a chat with a friend, or simply pausing to ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now?” before you reach for food.
3. Focus on Nourishing, Satisfying Meals
One of the best ways to prevent binges is to make sure you’re eating enough throughout the day. Skipping meals or going too long without food sets you up for a binge because your body is crying out for energy.
Build your meals around a balance of protein, healthy fats, and carbs that keep you full and satisfied. Think of meals that make you feel nourished and energised, not deprived. When you eat well, your body is less likely to overcompensate later on.
4. Set Boundaries with Trigger Foods—but Don’t Ban Them
Trigger foods are those that seem impossible to eat in moderation. For some, it’s chocolate; for others, it’s crisps or ice cream. While it’s tempting to ban these foods completely, it often makes them more appealing.
Instead, try setting boundaries. For example, you might allow yourself to enjoy your trigger food in a different context—only at the table, never straight from the package, or in a mindful, intentional way. The goal is to create a neutral relationship with these foods where they’re no longer forbidden or emotionally charged.
5. Practise Self-Compassion and Forgiveness
One binge doesn’t define you. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’ll never change. It’s a signal that something deeper is going on, and it’s an opportunity to learn about your needs.
Instead of beating yourself up, practise self-compassion. Research shows that self-compassion can break the binge cycle by reducing negative self-talk and promoting healthier eating behaviours (Kelly & Carter, 2015). When you treat yourself with kindness, you’re more likely to get back on track without the guilt or shame spiral.
6. Consider Professional Support
Binge eating can be tough to tackle alone, and there’s absolutely no shame in seeking help. Working with a coach, therapist, or nutrition professional who understands the nuances of binge eating can provide you with the tools and support you need to break free from the cycle.
You don’t have to do this alone, and sometimes an outside perspective is exactly what’s needed to help you see the path forward.
A Hopeful Future: You Are Not Your Binge Eating
Binge eating doesn’t define you. It’s a behaviour—a learned response to stress, restriction, and emotional needs that aren’t being met. And the fact that you’re here, reading this, means you’re already on the path to change.
This isn’t about finding willpower or cutting out your favourite foods. It’s about reconnecting with yourself, understanding the why behind your binges, and taking compassionate steps towards balance. Progress may be slow, and there will be setbacks, but every small change you make brings you closer to a healthier, more peaceful relationship with food.
Remember, you’re not broken, and you’re not alone. If you’re ready to take that first step, I’m offering two weeks of free coaching to help you break the binge cycle with personalised guidance and support. Let’s work together to build new habits, find joy in food again, and get you feeling like yourself. Because you deserve more than just surviving—you deserve to thrive.
References:
- Polivy, J., & Herman, C. P. (2002). If at first you don’t succeed: False hopes of self-change. American Psychologist, 57(9), 677-689.
- Mayer, E. A., Tillisch, K., & Gupta, A. (2015). Gut/brain axis and the microbiota. Journal of Clinical Investigation, 125(3), 926-938.
- Kelly, A. C., & Carter, J. C. (2015). Self-compassion training for binge eating disorder: A pilot randomized controlled trial. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 88(3), 285-303.
This journey is yours, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Let’s find a way forward that’s about more than just food—it’s about you, your wellbeing, and building a life you truly love.